I loved reading “Harpo Speaks” 25 years ago, the autobiography of the eternally silent on-screen Marx Brother.

I remember digging the old Hollywood stories, tales of his place at The Algonquin round table, and behind the scenes Marx Brothers movie stuff.

It’s been a quest of sorts to find a good condition hardcover copy ever since. I found one online, and treated myself to it.

The First paragraph:
“I don’t know whether my life has been a success or a failure. But not having any anxiety about becoming one instead of the other, and just taking things as they came along, I’ve had a lot of extra time to enjoy life.”

I think I liked it 25 years ago for more than just the things I thought I did.  It’s a phenomenal read, start to finish.

Fun fact: The Marx Brothers were based in Chicago for a decade, as they rode trains across the country on the vaudeville circuit.  During that time, they went to a LOT of White Sox games, including during the 1919 scandalous season.

The late Carrie Fisher was wise, funny, self-aware, flawed, passionate, and creatively productive.

Postcards From The Edge opened me to the humor in ego-driven dysfunction.

One of her life’s loves inspired a top ten all time favorite song for me, Paul Simon’s “Hearts And Bones.”

And in her one-woman HBO show Wishful Drinking, she dropped a line that still helps me stay on point. “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Damn skippy. Thanks for the thoughtful truths, Carrie.

And yeah, you looked awesome in the metal bikini too.

One night Max Crawford came out to join Tributosaurus as we became Elvis Costello. Max transcribed the hauntingly ethereal Chet Baker flugelhorn solos on “Shipbuilding,” and it was a highlight of the night to do that with him. Afterwards, we reveled and discussed; the soundman had used some reverb and echo on the 2nd solo, as a nod to a similar effective production moment on the recording. But…then later when talking with soundman Sergio, I complimented him on the reverb. He said “yeah…it just kind of seemed to fit what he was doing. Glad you didn’t mind.” Sergio had never heard the song Shipbuilding, ever. He was just nudged and inspired somehow to do EXACTLY what producer Clive Langer had done on the record.

So, what to glean from this beautiful moment?
1) A good soundman is a band member, listening and aesthetically reacting along with us.
2) Somewhere, Chet Baker appreciated Max’s playing, transcription, and the night’s vibe in general, so he pushed Sergio’s hand towards the reverb.
3) Live music continues to offer cosmic, emotional, powerful connections across dimensions.
4) I’m an eternal hippie.

I have hurt someone, demeaned someone, and shown an ugly side of myself.

So now what can I do?

I can apologize to that person, as directly as possible.

I can be mindful to not give in to my need to joke and bond with the unworthy, sometimes at the risk of hurting someone publicly.

I can work harder to be the best version of myself, the one I strive to be all the time.

I can acknowledge that the culture I work in is often not welcoming to women, and is sometimes downright exclusionary, mean, and objectifying. I can try to be a healthy part of the conversation, and not part of the problem.

I can do the kind of things that feed my soul, remind me of what is just, and don’t need to be public.

I have sexualized, perverse human thoughts like just about everyone else. I can be more considerate when they rise to the surface. And I can stay out of the sewer when it rises towards me.

I can use any microphone or print platform I am fortunate enough to have to spread the right kind of thought process. Be kind. Be respectful.

Live, learn, keep going.